Helplessly

I feel so helplessly. I need to speak to someone. It's midnight but I can't sleep. My mind is not here. It's flying. I've should be happy, why I'm not? I am, but I feel like it's going wrong. Like I don't do enough...... why?

It's late. I want to go to bed, but I can't. It's strange. I can't describe what it is like, but it's very unpleseant. Allthough, I have nothing to lose if I try, but I don't. I'm bored and I'm angry that I don't change anything, what I wait and endure. I'm bored....

I fell in love with him. And it scares me. His like a drug. Can you imagine I begin being crazy if I don't see him a day or so? I need him every minute. Right now my heart is full of pain. I'm sad. And he is not here.

I need to cry, to cry a lot. I don't know why, it may be a kind of depression... Who knows..

My little boy, I love you so much, do you know it? So much as I never did. So much as I'm crazy when you are not near me.
I fell so helplessly..... :(